Interviewing Children

Research findings examining how children of divorced parents experience their parents' divorce have provided intriguing insight into how their view of parental divorce is different from their parents' view. In summarizing her research examining children's perceptions of their parents' divorce, Carol Smart wrote, “One of the most significant outcomes for us was the way in which talking to children, and analyzing their stories, had the effect of jolting us into a child's worldview. ' [W]e were acutely aware of how different the experience of the 'same' divorce was for parent and child. ' Even the most caring parent could find it very difficult to see divorce from the standpoint of his or her child.” Smart, C. (2002). From Children's Shoes to Children's Voices. Fam Court Rev, 40, 307-319.

Physical Space

Among the salient factors to investigate regarding children's experience of their parents' divorce is the children's perception of differences in each parent's physical space. Physical space refers to the practical issues of getting from one place to another. Discussing physical space includes examining concerns that the child has about organizing clothes, toys, and schoolwork. It entails letting children's friends know where they are and letting children voice concerns that they have about remembering where to be at certain times. It is helpful to allow children to talk about their rooms, whether they have to share belongings with step-siblings, where they are when homework is completed. The children will want to know whether they have playdates at both parents' homes and, if so, how those are arranged, and how they will get to extra-curricular or sport activities on a consistent and timely basis no matter whose home they are in.

Emotional Climate

A second area to examine is children's experience of the differences in the emotional climate at each parent's home. Children are moving not only from one physical home to another, but also from one emotional landscape to another. Children may react to changes in emotional climate between their mother's and father's home. They also may feel different at different homes. Smart found that the geographic distance between parental homes can create an emotional distance between child and parent. Even children who are equally happy to be with either parent or equally happy to be in either parent's home may experience transitions between homes as an emotional journey requiring regular emotional adjustment. When interviewing the children, it could be helpful to give them the opportunity to talk about how they feel as they are riding in the car from one house to the other and how it feels once they arrive at the parent's home.

Psychological Space

A third area to examine is children's experience of differences in the psychological space between family homes. Children may encounter differences in household structure, organization, and functions. There may be changes between homes in routines, codes of behavior, expectations, standards of living, and other functional differences. Children may find it difficult to adjust to a home that does not fit the psychological narrative in their heads about who they are and where they are supposed to live. The parent in whose home the children are having difficulty adjusting may interpret the difficulty as bad behavior or moodiness, depending on how the difficulty manifests. The other parent may interpret the children's difficulty in adjusting back to the home as an indication that they do not want to spend time with the other parent, or that something is “going on” in the home.

Parenting Time

Exploring with children their perception of the notion of “equal parenting time” may also be fruitful. Equal time refers to parents', judges', and attorneys' tendencies to think about parenting time in exact amounts of time. Whether children spend one week with one parent and another week with the other parent, or whether children are on a “four day with one parent and three day with the other parent” schedule, the inflexibility of time-share schedules often affects children's need for elasticity in their transitions between homes. Too often, we hear stories of a child scheduled with her father, but in need of spending time with her mother on a particular day, yet the rigidity of the access schedule becomes a more important decision-making element than the child's needs. (e.g., if it was Tuesday, the child had to be at dad's house.) Smart's research found that children felt frustrated with the rigidness of their access schedules, yet were reluctant to talk about these frustrations with their parents. Children were aware of their parents' competing needs for the their time and, as a result, they did not want to disappoint either parent, nor did they want to cause tension because of their discontent. The result was that children did not talk about their feelings and often experienced the unbending nature of the parenting schedule as oppressive.

Time

Another area to discuss with children is their experience spending time away from one parent. Some children did not like time away from a particular parent, and other children did not like feeling that they were forced to spend time with a particular parent. Still other children liked the time away from the residential parent because it provided them with opportunities to gain some perspective on the non-residential parent. For children who only see a non-residential parent on weekends, exploring the impact of the visitation schedule on the children's perception of both parents can be informative. The residential parent may be seen as more rule-bound or less available because his or her parenting time is primarily during the work/school week. Conversely, the non-residential parent may be seen by the children as more relaxed, available or involved because the parenting time occurs when the parent is not at work at the children aren't in school.

Some children worried about one parent when they were with the other parent. Children worried when their parents remained single and had no romantic partner. These children may feel that time away from a single parent means that the parent is lonely. Some children reported that time passed more slowly at one parent's home than at the other's, usually because one parent was less available, less involved, or had a home with fewer creature comforts. As with the issue of psychological space, the children's emotional reactions can be misread or misinterpreted by the parents, causing them to advocate for a custodial or visitation schedule that may not be in the children's best interests and may not be responsive to the children's actual needs.

Many children complain about the lack of private time. Children of divorce often feel that their time is always scheduled. They feel that they have less time for themselves and that they have less time to spend with their friends.

A final area of interview focus is centered on children's sense of powerlessness. There is a subgroup of children who may have to deal with waiting for the nonresidential parent to come to visit them, or wait for the nonresidential parent to take them out. These children often feel powerless and they often view time spent waiting for the parent to show up as a measure of how much that parent cares.

Conclusion

Developing an interview format centered around these salient issues will provide the interviewer with a significant amount of information about children's experiences of their parents' divorce, their experiences within each home, and their experiences moving from home to home.

Information obtained from children using this framework may be most useful to those attorneys and judges interested in learning about children's experience of divorce through the eyes of these children. Having the information from the children's perspective can help lawyers counsel their clients and help judges craft custodial and visitation orders that best meet the needs of the children.

Jonathan W. Gould, PhD, ABPP, a member of this newsletter's Board of Editors, is board certified in forensic psychology by the American Board of Professional Psychology. He is engaged in a clinical and forensic psychology practice, specializing in consulting with family law attorneys on issues related to child custody, child maltreatment, relocation, alienation dynamics, child sexual abuse, and domestic violence. He can be reached at [email protected]. Lisa Bell has been the Chief District Court Judge of the 26th Judicial District since January 2009. She has served as a District Court Judge in Charlotte, NC, since 1998, presiding primarily over family court cases. Prior to her election in 1998, she was in private practice as a family lawyer and had also served as an Attorney Advocate with the Children's Law Center.

The task of interviewing children whose parents are involved in child custody disputes often falls to judges and attorneys. Sometimes the attorney represents one of the parents, and sometimes the attorney is the child's representative. Most legal professionals who have been assigned the task of interviewing children have little, if any, training in conducting a forensic interview of children. Those who have attended trainings learned about the importance of asking open-ended questions and the potential pitfalls of asking children suggestive, directive, or leading questions. The learning was about how to interview.

What is not often taught is what to interview the children about, rather than how to interview the children. This article focuses attention on the content of child interviewing; that is, it discusses what to talk about with children.

The Child's Perspective

Research findings examining how children of divorced parents experience their parents' divorce have provided intriguing insight into how their view of parental divorce is different from their parents' view. In summarizing her research examining children's perceptions of their parents' divorce, Carol Smart wrote, “One of the most significant outcomes for us was the way in which talking to children, and analyzing their stories, had the effect of jolting us into a child's worldview. ' [W]e were acutely aware of how different the experience of the 'same' divorce was for parent and child. ' Even the most caring parent could find it very difficult to see divorce from the standpoint of his or her child.” Smart, C. (2002). From Children's Shoes to Children's Voices. Fam Court Rev, 40, 307-319.

Physical Space

Among the salient factors to investigate regarding children's experience of their parents' divorce is the children's perception of differences in each parent's physical space. Physical space refers to the practical issues of getting from one place to another. Discussing physical space includes examining concerns that the child has about organizing clothes, toys, and schoolwork. It entails letting children's friends know where they are and letting children voice concerns that they have about remembering where to be at certain times. It is helpful to allow children to talk about their rooms, whether they have to share belongings with step-siblings, where they are when homework is completed. The children will want to know whether they have playdates at both parents' homes and, if so, how those are arranged, and how they will get to extra-curricular or sport activities on a consistent and timely basis no matter whose home they are in.

Emotional Climate

A second area to examine is children's experience of the differences in the emotional climate at each parent's home. Children are moving not only from one physical home to another, but also from one emotional landscape to another. Children may react to changes in emotional climate between their mother's and father's home. They also may feel different at different homes. Smart found that the geographic distance between parental homes can create an emotional distance between child and parent. Even children who are equally happy to be with either parent or equally happy to be in either parent's home may experience transitions between homes as an emotional journey requiring regular emotional adjustment. When interviewing the children, it could be helpful to give them the opportunity to talk about how they feel as they are riding in the car from one house to the other and how it feels once they arrive at the parent's home.

Psychological Space

A third area to examine is children's experience of differences in the psychological space between family homes. Children may encounter differences in household structure, organization, and functions. There may be changes between homes in routines, codes of behavior, expectations, standards of living, and other functional differences. Children may find it difficult to adjust to a home that does not fit the psychological narrative in their heads about who they are and where they are supposed to live. The parent in whose home the children are having difficulty adjusting may interpret the difficulty as bad behavior or moodiness, depending on how the difficulty manifests. The other parent may interpret the children's difficulty in adjusting back to the home as an indication that they do not want to spend time with the other parent, or that something is “going on” in the home.

Parenting Time

Exploring with children their perception of the notion of “equal parenting time” may also be fruitful. Equal time refers to parents', judges', and attorneys' tendencies to think about parenting time in exact amounts of time. Whether children spend one week with one parent and another week with the other parent, or whether children are on a “four day with one parent and three day with the other parent” schedule, the inflexibility of time-share schedules often affects children's need for elasticity in their transitions between homes. Too often, we hear stories of a child scheduled with her father, but in need of spending time with her mother on a particular day, yet the rigidity of the access schedule becomes a more important decision-making element than the child's needs. (e.g., if it was Tuesday, the child had to be at dad's house.) Smart's research found that children felt frustrated with the rigidness of their access schedules, yet were reluctant to talk about these frustrations with their parents. Children were aware of their parents' competing needs for the their time and, as a result, they did not want to disappoint either parent, nor did they want to cause tension because of their discontent. The result was that children did not talk about their feelings and often experienced the unbending nature of the parenting schedule as oppressive.

Time

Another area to discuss with children is their experience spending time away from one parent. Some children did not like time away from a particular parent, and other children did not like feeling that they were forced to spend time with a particular parent. Still other children liked the time away from the residential parent because it provided them with opportunities to gain some perspective on the non-residential parent. For children who only see a non-residential parent on weekends, exploring the impact of the visitation schedule on the children's perception of both parents can be informative. The residential parent may be seen as more rule-bound or less available because his or her parenting time is primarily during the work/school week. Conversely, the non-residential parent may be seen by the children as more relaxed, available or involved because the parenting time occurs when the parent is not at work at the children aren't in school.

Some children worried about one parent when they were with the other parent. Children worried when their parents remained single and had no romantic partner. These children may feel that time away from a single parent means that the parent is lonely. Some children reported that time passed more slowly at one parent's home than at the other's, usually because one parent was less available, less involved, or had a home with fewer creature comforts. As with the issue of psychological space, the children's emotional reactions can be misread or misinterpreted by the parents, causing them to advocate for a custodial or visitation schedule that may not be in the children's best interests and may not be responsive to the children's actual needs.

Many children complain about the lack of private time. Children of divorce often feel that their time is always scheduled. They feel that they have less time for themselves and that they have less time to spend with their friends.

A final area of interview focus is centered on children's sense of powerlessness. There is a subgroup of children who may have to deal with waiting for the nonresidential parent to come to visit them, or wait for the nonresidential parent to take them out. These children often feel powerless and they often view time spent waiting for the parent to show up as a measure of how much that parent cares.

Conclusion

Developing an interview format centered around these salient issues will provide the interviewer with a significant amount of information about children's experiences of their parents' divorce, their experiences within each home, and their experiences moving from home to home.

Information obtained from children using this framework may be most useful to those attorneys and judges interested in learning about children's experience of divorce through the eyes of these children. Having the information from the children's perspective can help lawyers counsel their clients and help judges craft custodial and visitation orders that best meet the needs of the children.

Jonathan W. Gould, PhD, ABPP, a member of this newsletter's Board of Editors, is board certified in forensic psychology by the American Board of Professional Psychology. He is engaged in a clinical and forensic psychology practice, specializing in consulting with family law attorneys on issues related to child custody, child maltreatment, relocation, alienation dynamics, child sexual abuse, and domestic violence. He can be reached at [email protected]. Lisa Bell has been the Chief District Court Judge of the 26th Judicial District since January 2009. She has served as a District Court Judge in Charlotte, NC, since 1998, presiding primarily over family court cases. Prior to her election in 1998, she was in private practice as a family lawyer and had also served as an Attorney Advocate with the Children's Law Center.