The Team Approach to Divorce

Lessons Learned by Doing

In the early 1990s, when the collaborative approach to divorce was first developed, it was a process that involved just two attorneys and their respective clients. As the collaborative method evolved, attorneys began to understand that while they might be the best sources of legal information and advice for their clients, this was not always the case when it came to the difficult financial, emotional and child development issues that needed to be resolved. They realized that by beginning their cases with a team of professionals who had specialized financial or mental-health training and who knew how to work collaboratively with professionals from the other disciplines, they were better able to resolve their matters and achieve longer-lasting agreements for their clients.'

Today, the team approach to collaborative family law matters has become the standard for members of the New York Association of Collaborative Professionals and other collaborative practice groups across New York. What benefits do professionals in related fields offer to collaborative attorneys' clients that could also benefit the clients of more traditional family practices?

Financial Neutrals

The financial neutral's role in a collaborative family law matter is to help the attorneys and clients divide the marital property, as well as to help structure child and spousal support in ways that will meet the short- and long-term needs of both parties and their children. These financial professionals ' usually Certified Financial Planners, Certified Divorce Financial Analysts or Certified Public Accountants ' perform the following tasks in a neutral capacity:

• Gather financial data from each of the parties;
• Help the parties figure out and understand which assets and liabilities are part of the marital estate;
• Prepare each client's statement of net worth;
• Develop different financial scenarios for the clients to evaluate;
• Provide general financial guidance;
• Help with budgets at all stages of the divorce process; and
• Explain the tax consequences of different settlement options.

As many family law attorneys well know, it's not uncommon for one party to be less informed with respect to the family finances. This can trigger a number of emotions and reactions, including fear of the unknown, a feeling of being overwhelmed, and distrust of what the more knowledgeable spouse is saying about the finances. A financial neutral helps present the information to both parties in an understandable and non-biased way, and makes the examination of financial data feel less threatening and hostile. This unbiased assessment often helps to move the financial issues forward, because both clients and their attorneys are looking at the same information at the same time. And while one party may not trust or understand what the other is saying about the finances, he or she can more readily accept that same information when it's coming from a neutral financial professional who has been retained for the sole purpose of helping both parties be as financially secure after the divorce as possible.

Traditional litigating attorneys who are representing the more dependent spouse know the value of engaging the services of financial professionals to bolster their client's argument for support, to analyze the marital lifestyle and to accomplish many of the tasks mentioned above. But such litigating attorneys should perhaps speak with opposing counsel early in the case about choosing a financial professional to work in a neutral capacity. He or she can help structure a financial plan that will allow both spouses and their children to maintain the marital lifestyle and/or help them make difficult choices ' such as deciding which assets to retain, sell or transfer ' in a way that will provide all members of the family with as much financial security as possible. Using a single, neutral financial professional to help both parties structure a settlement that works now and takes future circumstances into consideration is going to lead to longer-lasting agreements and, ultimately, much more satisfied clients.

Divorce Coaches

Many litigating attorneys know that clients need to understand that they are “being heard,” and that they need to process what is happening to them emotionally. But while many family law attorneys are empathetic by nature and have gained experience fielding their clients' emotional phone calls that have nothing to do with legal issues or concerns, the majority of divorce attorneys are not trained mental-health professionals. We can listen, but we may not always know the right thing to say to actually help the client move forward.

There is a downward spiral that many of us have seen in our family practice cases. The parties are hurt and angry when they first come to us, but they say they want to come to an agreement. However, as time passes and the discovery process moves forward, situations start to arise that test the clients' abilities to work together and/or trust each other. As more time passes and the emotions get more complicated, one or both of them start making unwise or even foolish decisions that can have devastating effects on the likelihood of the matter ever being resolved without a judge stepping in. This descent does not have to happen.

Divorce coaches have the training attorneys often lack to provide parties the emotional support and communication tools they will need during the divorce process. With these professionals' assistance, there are far fewer breakdowns in the process.'

A key role of a divorce coach is to help clients deal with all of the difficult feelings that arise during the divorce process. These emotions can interfere with a client's ability to make clear-headed, smart choices during the negotiation process. Additionally, divorce coaches can help the client learn how to communicate more effectively with a spouse, children and the attorney who is helping them through the marriage dissolution process.'

Coaching is not therapy and it is not meant to take the place of therapy. Coaching provides concrete suggestions that are sometimes needed to get a client unstuck, and able to move off of an untenable position ' or just to move at all. Coaching is about helping the client in the moment. For example, if you represent the wife and you see that she is regularly pushing her husband's buttons, or is allowing her own buttons to be pushed and it's preventing the real issues from being discussed, a coach may help her understand what she is doing to trigger her husband's emotional reactions and how to limit those times when she herself is feeling triggered.'

Whether the client is acting in a passive-aggressive manner, such as by failing to provide discovery documents or return the attorney's calls in a timely fashion, or is acting out in a more overtly aggressive way by failing to comply with a parenting schedule or sabotaging the negotiation process, a coach can be an invaluable member of a litigating attorney's team.'

Traditional family practice attorneys interested in helping their clients navigate the emotional aspects of divorce by suggesting the use of a divorce coach should encourage early interaction, even if the client already has a therapist. By encouraging the client to develop a relationship with a coach early on in the divorce process, the attorney will help the coach to be more effective.'

Neutral Child Specialists

A child specialist in the collaborative process is a licensed mental health professional with specialized training in child development and family systems. These professionals have also been trained to work as part of an interdisciplinary team.

The child specialist functions as a neutral on the team to bring the voice of the children into the process. He or she will work to educate the parents about child development issues that may need to be considered and addressed, and will then help the parties arrive at a parenting arrangement and decision-making process that works best for each of them and their children. And encouraging litigating clients to work with a neutral child specialist early in the case could limit the custody issues that need to be resolved, and prevent the expense and uncertainty that result when a forensic psychologist is brought into the case.

Let's look at a pretty common situation in which the mother is seeking primary custody and wanting to limit the father to alternate weekends and one weekday dinner during the week. The father, on the other hand, wants a 50/50 custody arrangement. The mother is complaining that the father never seemed interested in spending much time with the children in the past, and that the children need the stability of sleeping in the same bed every school night. She suspects the father is only asking for a 50/50 schedule in order to limit his child-support obligations. The father claims he can limit his work hours and be home earlier than in the past, that he felt shut out by the mother during the marriage, and that he is willing to remain in the same neighborhood as the children and make sure they can easily get to school.

What to Do?

Neither the parents nor the children are showing emotional instability or mental-health issues. A forensic psychologist is unlikely to shed any light on the situation that could help the court make a decision, and the court is demanding that the parenting issues be resolved before the financial issues are dealt with. In our situation, a neutral child specialist could help break the impasse. He or she can help the father to understand and communicate what he wants to achieve through dividing parenting time on a 50/50 basis.

Is it the actual quantity of time or the quality of the time that's important to him? Does he want to be able to walk the kids to school? Is it the before-bed activities that he misses? Why does the mother think the children are too young to sleep at the father's during the week, or that they need to sleep in the same bed every school night? Are the clients failing to hear each other? What are the common values and goals that they share for the children? By helping to answer these types of questions and allowing the clients to hear each other's concerns and desires, the child specialist can help the clients and their attorneys structure a parenting plan that is best suited for them and their children, both now and in the future. Child specialists can also be used by the parties as a resource to address parenting issues that may arise in the future after the divorce is granted, thereby keeping the couple and the children out of court to resolve enforcement and modification issues.

Conclusion

The use of professionals in the collaborative team approach to divorce can also be adapted and utilized by litigating attorneys to help them settle their clients' family law matters. Financial professionals who are employed in a neutral capacity can aid the parties to reach an agreement that best allocates the marital assets and income to support the parties and their children in their post-judgment households. Divorce coaches can assist family practice clients to process the difficult emotional and communication issues that arise during the divorce process, so that they are better able to make decisions while navigating the divorce itself, and better prepared to make the difficult choices that are necessary to resolve the case. And child specialists can help parents structure parenting plans that best meet their family's particular circumstances, both now and in the future. They also provide the parents with an ongoing resource should they need to consult with someone to address issues that arise after the family law matter is concluded.

Andrea Vacca, a family law attorney practicing in the greater New York City area, is certified as a Family and Divorce Mediator and as a Collaborative Law Attorney.

'

Most family law attorneys, whether they litigate or collaborate, have a go-to list of aligned professionals upon whom they rely to assist them and their clients in more complicated cases. We regularly consult with or directly refer our clients to accountants, appraisers, therapists and other professionals to help them achieve the best possible outcomes, given their particular circumstances.

There is a difference, however, in how litigating attorneys and collaborative attorneys use the advice and guidance of these other professionals. Litigating attorneys commonly use them in the later stages of a case and bring these professionals in as experts in support of their clients' economic or child-related claims. Collaborative attorneys begin working with financial and mental-health professionals from the inception of the case, with the goal of working together as a team and helping the clients move toward resolution.'

How does the professional-team approach work in the collaborative process, and can attorneys who primarily litigate employ aspects of this approach to help settle their family law cases?'

Lessons Learned by Doing

In the early 1990s, when the collaborative approach to divorce was first developed, it was a process that involved just two attorneys and their respective clients. As the collaborative method evolved, attorneys began to understand that while they might be the best sources of legal information and advice for their clients, this was not always the case when it came to the difficult financial, emotional and child development issues that needed to be resolved. They realized that by beginning their cases with a team of professionals who had specialized financial or mental-health training and who knew how to work collaboratively with professionals from the other disciplines, they were better able to resolve their matters and achieve longer-lasting agreements for their clients.'

Today, the team approach to collaborative family law matters has become the standard for members of the New York Association of Collaborative Professionals and other collaborative practice groups across New York. What benefits do professionals in related fields offer to collaborative attorneys' clients that could also benefit the clients of more traditional family practices?

Financial Neutrals

The financial neutral's role in a collaborative family law matter is to help the attorneys and clients divide the marital property, as well as to help structure child and spousal support in ways that will meet the short- and long-term needs of both parties and their children. These financial professionals ' usually Certified Financial Planners, Certified Divorce Financial Analysts or Certified Public Accountants ' perform the following tasks in a neutral capacity:

• Gather financial data from each of the parties;
• Help the parties figure out and understand which assets and liabilities are part of the marital estate;
• Prepare each client's statement of net worth;
• Develop different financial scenarios for the clients to evaluate;
• Provide general financial guidance;
• Help with budgets at all stages of the divorce process; and
• Explain the tax consequences of different settlement options.

As many family law attorneys well know, it's not uncommon for one party to be less informed with respect to the family finances. This can trigger a number of emotions and reactions, including fear of the unknown, a feeling of being overwhelmed, and distrust of what the more knowledgeable spouse is saying about the finances. A financial neutral helps present the information to both parties in an understandable and non-biased way, and makes the examination of financial data feel less threatening and hostile. This unbiased assessment often helps to move the financial issues forward, because both clients and their attorneys are looking at the same information at the same time. And while one party may not trust or understand what the other is saying about the finances, he or she can more readily accept that same information when it's coming from a neutral financial professional who has been retained for the sole purpose of helping both parties be as financially secure after the divorce as possible.

Traditional litigating attorneys who are representing the more dependent spouse know the value of engaging the services of financial professionals to bolster their client's argument for support, to analyze the marital lifestyle and to accomplish many of the tasks mentioned above. But such litigating attorneys should perhaps speak with opposing counsel early in the case about choosing a financial professional to work in a neutral capacity. He or she can help structure a financial plan that will allow both spouses and their children to maintain the marital lifestyle and/or help them make difficult choices ' such as deciding which assets to retain, sell or transfer ' in a way that will provide all members of the family with as much financial security as possible. Using a single, neutral financial professional to help both parties structure a settlement that works now and takes future circumstances into consideration is going to lead to longer-lasting agreements and, ultimately, much more satisfied clients.

Divorce Coaches

Many litigating attorneys know that clients need to understand that they are “being heard,” and that they need to process what is happening to them emotionally. But while many family law attorneys are empathetic by nature and have gained experience fielding their clients' emotional phone calls that have nothing to do with legal issues or concerns, the majority of divorce attorneys are not trained mental-health professionals. We can listen, but we may not always know the right thing to say to actually help the client move forward.

There is a downward spiral that many of us have seen in our family practice cases. The parties are hurt and angry when they first come to us, but they say they want to come to an agreement. However, as time passes and the discovery process moves forward, situations start to arise that test the clients' abilities to work together and/or trust each other. As more time passes and the emotions get more complicated, one or both of them start making unwise or even foolish decisions that can have devastating effects on the likelihood of the matter ever being resolved without a judge stepping in. This descent does not have to happen.

Divorce coaches have the training attorneys often lack to provide parties the emotional support and communication tools they will need during the divorce process. With these professionals' assistance, there are far fewer breakdowns in the process.'

A key role of a divorce coach is to help clients deal with all of the difficult feelings that arise during the divorce process. These emotions can interfere with a client's ability to make clear-headed, smart choices during the negotiation process. Additionally, divorce coaches can help the client learn how to communicate more effectively with a spouse, children and the attorney who is helping them through the marriage dissolution process.'

Coaching is not therapy and it is not meant to take the place of therapy. Coaching provides concrete suggestions that are sometimes needed to get a client unstuck, and able to move off of an untenable position ' or just to move at all. Coaching is about helping the client in the moment. For example, if you represent the wife and you see that she is regularly pushing her husband's buttons, or is allowing her own buttons to be pushed and it's preventing the real issues from being discussed, a coach may help her understand what she is doing to trigger her husband's emotional reactions and how to limit those times when she herself is feeling triggered.'

Whether the client is acting in a passive-aggressive manner, such as by failing to provide discovery documents or return the attorney's calls in a timely fashion, or is acting out in a more overtly aggressive way by failing to comply with a parenting schedule or sabotaging the negotiation process, a coach can be an invaluable member of a litigating attorney's team.'

Traditional family practice attorneys interested in helping their clients navigate the emotional aspects of divorce by suggesting the use of a divorce coach should encourage early interaction, even if the client already has a therapist. By encouraging the client to develop a relationship with a coach early on in the divorce process, the attorney will help the coach to be more effective.'

Neutral Child Specialists

A child specialist in the collaborative process is a licensed mental health professional with specialized training in child development and family systems. These professionals have also been trained to work as part of an interdisciplinary team.

The child specialist functions as a neutral on the team to bring the voice of the children into the process. He or she will work to educate the parents about child development issues that may need to be considered and addressed, and will then help the parties arrive at a parenting arrangement and decision-making process that works best for each of them and their children. And encouraging litigating clients to work with a neutral child specialist early in the case could limit the custody issues that need to be resolved, and prevent the expense and uncertainty that result when a forensic psychologist is brought into the case.

Let's look at a pretty common situation in which the mother is seeking primary custody and wanting to limit the father to alternate weekends and one weekday dinner during the week. The father, on the other hand, wants a 50/50 custody arrangement. The mother is complaining that the father never seemed interested in spending much time with the children in the past, and that the children need the stability of sleeping in the same bed every school night. She suspects the father is only asking for a 50/50 schedule in order to limit his child-support obligations. The father claims he can limit his work hours and be home earlier than in the past, that he felt shut out by the mother during the marriage, and that he is willing to remain in the same neighborhood as the children and make sure they can easily get to school.

What to Do?

Neither the parents nor the children are showing emotional instability or mental-health issues. A forensic psychologist is unlikely to shed any light on the situation that could help the court make a decision, and the court is demanding that the parenting issues be resolved before the financial issues are dealt with. In our situation, a neutral child specialist could help break the impasse. He or she can help the father to understand and communicate what he wants to achieve through dividing parenting time on a 50/50 basis.

Is it the actual quantity of time or the quality of the time that's important to him? Does he want to be able to walk the kids to school? Is it the before-bed activities that he misses? Why does the mother think the children are too young to sleep at the father's during the week, or that they need to sleep in the same bed every school night? Are the clients failing to hear each other? What are the common values and goals that they share for the children? By helping to answer these types of questions and allowing the clients to hear each other's concerns and desires, the child specialist can help the clients and their attorneys structure a parenting plan that is best suited for them and their children, both now and in the future. Child specialists can also be used by the parties as a resource to address parenting issues that may arise in the future after the divorce is granted, thereby keeping the couple and the children out of court to resolve enforcement and modification issues.

Conclusion

The use of professionals in the collaborative team approach to divorce can also be adapted and utilized by litigating attorneys to help them settle their clients' family law matters. Financial professionals who are employed in a neutral capacity can aid the parties to reach an agreement that best allocates the marital assets and income to support the parties and their children in their post-judgment households. Divorce coaches can assist family practice clients to process the difficult emotional and communication issues that arise during the divorce process, so that they are better able to make decisions while navigating the divorce itself, and better prepared to make the difficult choices that are necessary to resolve the case. And child specialists can help parents structure parenting plans that best meet their family's particular circumstances, both now and in the future. They also provide the parents with an ongoing resource should they need to consult with someone to address issues that arise after the family law matter is concluded.

Andrea Vacca, a family law attorney practicing in the greater New York City area, is certified as a Family and Divorce Mediator and as a Collaborative Law Attorney.

'