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The Psychology of Money in Marriage

By Donna Laikind
January 01, 2004

You see these power plays in your office every day: A divorcing couple owns a million-dollar house, and it makes sense to sell it and divide the assets. The wife refuses, saying, “I won't have a roof over my head without this house.” Or she wants to move, and he says, “I'm not going to give in to her the way I used to.”

Money is not seen by these people as the commodity it should be. Instead, it is fraught with feelings, messages and beliefs from family, society and personal experience. If money were seen as a commodity, your job would be much clearer.

Now, a new generation of therapists is emerging who are looking at money issues as an integral part of couples' problems with power and entitlement. The novel ideas being developed could be useful not only in the context of the therapy session, but also in the attorney's office, where it may sometimes be difficult to understand why a client or his or her spouse is making demands that seem to make little rational sense. In sharing some of these new therapeutic concepts with those in the legal profession, this article sets the stage for a better understanding of what may be behind a divorcing couple's outward behavior. From this understanding can come ideas on how to overcome the roadblocks to successful negotiated settlements.

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