The Attorney's Bookshelf

As practicing attorneys, we struggle to keep abreast of developments in the law. Most likely, we cannot, in addition to this research and study, find the time to keep up with psychological research and analysis regarding divorcing and separating families. In order for family law practitioners to advance their understanding of the emotional side of divorce, child custody and the other baggage that comes along with family legal problems, a few choice reading and reference materials can go a long way. Here are a few books I've found indispensable for this task.

Divorce Wars: Interventions with Families in Conflict

By Elizabeth M. Ellis, PhD

Source: www.apa.org/books

A review of the available literature on the subject of family dynamics can be an invaluable tool, but a literature review can be a major task to attempt to undertake. Books that do this job for us can be real time savers. One such book is “Divorce Wars: Interventions with Families in Conflict,” written by Elizabeth M. Ellis, PhD, and published in 2000 by the American Psychologcal Association. The book provides a comprehensive literature review, summarizing the results of major scientific studies regarding how divorce affects children and families.

The book was envisioned both as a guide and a resource for those practicing in the mental health fields (such as forensic psychologists), and also for attorneys who want to cross-examine expert witnesses. It can be used by adversarial attorneys looking either for research to support their client's position or for research that can be used to discredit the other side's experts. In addition, the book is extremely enlightening regarding the effects of divorce on children and families, and provides insights into some of the difficult behavior you may encounter in your clients and their family members.

Books like this one can be stimulating as brainstorming tools because they present a wide range of results that are possible for families. Dr. Ellis has covered all the major trends around the country regarding different families' arrangements. For example, she analyzes the history of custody in America from the beginnings, when the mother was virtually always granted custody, through joint custody, father custody, and the rather new concept of split custody, where some of the children of the family live primarily with one parent while others live primarily with the other. Some research has found that, especially once the children hit the teenaged years, boys do better when they live with their fathers, and girls do better when they live with their mothers.

Each chapter begins with a hypothetical family experiencing the problem analyzed in the chapter. For example, one chapter begins with the story of a custody battle involving two children, with each parent wanting sole custody. Dr. Ellis then presents all the research reported in the decade preceding the book's publication regarding the effects of custody battles on children, such as studies analyzing how children fare with sole, joint and split custody arrangements. After presenting the results of the pertinent studies, the chapter concludes with a summary of the research, then returns to the hypothetical family to apply the findings and analyze the best result for the family, as predicted by the results of the research.

Dr. Ellis devotes a chapter to preparation of good forensic evaluation reports. This may be valuable to the attorney hoping to discredit a forensic evaluation. The book analyzes various psychological testing tools, with summaries of what they evaluate, and their strengths and weaknesses.

Children's Adjustment

In a chapter titled “Impact of Parental Conflict on Children's Adjustment Following Divorce,” we learn that the degree to which children are experiencing active, open quarrelling, and chronic disagreements will have a great effect on the amount of stress they experience in their lives as a result of the divorce. When asked whether the children will be better or worse off after the divorce, Dr. Ellis proposes that the answer hinges on whether the level of conflict will diminish after the divorce — or whether it will continue, through post-divorce litigation and conflict.

Different ideas for approaching parenting conflicts arise out of the reported research literature. For example, parents whose children have stomachaches, or complain about visitation, may view the other parent as the source of the problem, and wonder if there is abuse or mishandled authority at the other parent's home. Dr. Ellis advises that a clinician be hired to conduct a wide-ranging analysis of all of the factors that could be causing the child stress, before resorting to a request to change a custody order.

Parental Alienation Syndrome

An entire chapter is devoted to Parental Alienation Syndrome. The trend among judges appears to be to give great weight to this condition. Custody cases can turn based on proven allegations that one parent intends to alienate the child from the other parent, or corrupt the relationship between the child and that other parent in any way. Children are now quite likely to be placed with the non-alienating parent. Understanding the psychology of parents who promote their children's alienation from the other parent can help the attorney advise clients on how to avoid the potentially disastrous consequences of such actions. To this end, the research reported by Dr. Ellis' book could prove invaluable.

High-Conflict Couples

This book is also edifying in its discussions of the personality traits of the highest conflict couples. As a mediator and collaborative lawyer, I personally see few of the highest conflict couples, but in the chapter titled, “Psychopathology of Parents Locked in Postdivorce Disputes Over Custody and Access Issues,” Dr. Ellis helped me to understand why even couples who have remarried may have difficulty leaving behind the conflicts from their first marriages. She gives some insight into personality traits, such as black-white thinking, excessive hostility, and narcissistic focus on “wrongs” and “wounds” suffered, which make it difficult for these people to understand how their disputes are affecting their children, and make it difficult for them to let go of these conflicts. Surprisingly, such people may be very high-functioning in other areas of their lives. Not only can insights like these help the psychologist, they can also help the family law practitioner who's trying to understand what is causing logjams in discussions and settlement negotiations.

Parental Abduction

There is also a section exploring the phenomenon of parental abduction which, surprisingly, happens much less frequently than one would think, based on media coverage of this most extreme result of high parental conflict. There are, according to the literature cited in Ellis' book, objective predictors of whether there is a high risk of abduction in a particular situation. Foreknowledge of these predictors could help the attorney advise the client on steps that they may wish to pursue to avoid their child's abduction. For the attorney whose client exhibits predictors for the propensity to abduct his or her own child, the attorney might take extra care to point out to the client the consequences to the long-term result, and how courts will view such actions.

The Therapist As a Person: Life Crises, Life Choices, Life Experiences, and Their Effects on Treatment

Edited by Barbara Gerson

Source: The Analytic Press

Though not a therapist myself, I have found “The Therapist As a Person: Life Crises, Life Choices, Life Experiences, and Their Effects on Treatment,” by Barbara Gerson, engrossing and extremely relevant to my own work. It has given me a different perspective, and insight into those times when I have been going through my own, personal family crisis – a grave illness of a family member, a divorce in my own family – and found it just a bit more difficult to focus on my clients' problems and my work.

When a client is telling you about the pain and of the conflict in his or her life, have you ever caught yourself identifying just a bit too intensely with his suffering? Have you ever awakened in the middle of the night only to lie there for an hour worrying about a particular family you're working with, and wondering what you can do to help them? The next question to ask yourself is, “Why am I identifying so strongly with this family?” Oftentimes, the reason you can't pull back and examine the situation dispassionately is that you are going through, or have gone through, your own similar personal crises. This book contains essays written by psychoanalysts looking squarely at this very issue – namely, how to work when ones own personal crises affect ones work, and when to share the circumstances with clients (and when to avoid sharing).

In addition, the book offers some interesting perspectives regarding life differences that are relevant to the family law practitioner. For example, if you have children, what buttons are pressed for you around conflicts between childless people? What issues are raised for you with when your client is gay, based on your own sexual orientation? These honest and thoughtful essays explore these issues from both sides of the couch (or in our case, the desk).

Intimate Partners: Patterns in Love and Marriage

By Maggie Scarf

Source: Ballantine Books

The work that we do can sometimes wear down even the most steely-nerved among us. We have a client with whom we particularly connect, and we wonder, “Why is this happening to him/her? What paths did she choose, what decisions did she make that led to these problems for herself and her family? “Intimate Partners: Patterns in Love and Marriage,” by Maggie Scarf, is a classic in the family therapy that field can help us find some of the answers to these questions, and it should be a “must-read” for all family law practitioners. Dr. Scarf, in a personal and readable format, analyzes the different phases of marriage, and points out the risks and the pitfalls of each.

Conclusion

Perhaps more than many other legal specialists, family law practitioners like to think about the stories they hear from their clients and are interested in finding the meaning behind those stories. Why do people do the things they do, during marriage and in the process of divorce? What motivates certain behaviors? Although, as attorneys, we aren't expected to be family therapists (and shouldn't attempt to act as family therapists), finding the answers to these questions can help increase our understanding of our clients and their families. Because these books are a good resource for gaining some insight into the client's world, reading them and putting their ideas into practice will, in the end, make us better legal advisers.

As practicing attorneys, we struggle to keep abreast of developments in the law. Most likely, we cannot, in addition to this research and study, find the time to keep up with psychological research and analysis regarding divorcing and separating families. In order for family law practitioners to advance their understanding of the emotional side of divorce, child custody and the other baggage that comes along with family legal problems, a few choice reading and reference materials can go a long way. Here are a few books I've found indispensable for this task.

Divorce Wars: Interventions with Families in Conflict

By Elizabeth M. Ellis, PhD

Source: www.apa.org/books

A review of the available literature on the subject of family dynamics can be an invaluable tool, but a literature review can be a major task to attempt to undertake. Books that do this job for us can be real time savers. One such book is “Divorce Wars: Interventions with Families in Conflict,” written by Elizabeth M. Ellis, PhD, and published in 2000 by the American Psychologcal Association. The book provides a comprehensive literature review, summarizing the results of major scientific studies regarding how divorce affects children and families.

The book was envisioned both as a guide and a resource for those practicing in the mental health fields (such as forensic psychologists), and also for attorneys who want to cross-examine expert witnesses. It can be used by adversarial attorneys looking either for research to support their client's position or for research that can be used to discredit the other side's experts. In addition, the book is extremely enlightening regarding the effects of divorce on children and families, and provides insights into some of the difficult behavior you may encounter in your clients and their family members.

Books like this one can be stimulating as brainstorming tools because they present a wide range of results that are possible for families. Dr. Ellis has covered all the major trends around the country regarding different families' arrangements. For example, she analyzes the history of custody in America from the beginnings, when the mother was virtually always granted custody, through joint custody, father custody, and the rather new concept of split custody, where some of the children of the family live primarily with one parent while others live primarily with the other. Some research has found that, especially once the children hit the teenaged years, boys do better when they live with their fathers, and girls do better when they live with their mothers.

Each chapter begins with a hypothetical family experiencing the problem analyzed in the chapter. For example, one chapter begins with the story of a custody battle involving two children, with each parent wanting sole custody. Dr. Ellis then presents all the research reported in the decade preceding the book's publication regarding the effects of custody battles on children, such as studies analyzing how children fare with sole, joint and split custody arrangements. After presenting the results of the pertinent studies, the chapter concludes with a summary of the research, then returns to the hypothetical family to apply the findings and analyze the best result for the family, as predicted by the results of the research.

Dr. Ellis devotes a chapter to preparation of good forensic evaluation reports. This may be valuable to the attorney hoping to discredit a forensic evaluation. The book analyzes various psychological testing tools, with summaries of what they evaluate, and their strengths and weaknesses.

Children's Adjustment

In a chapter titled “Impact of Parental Conflict on Children's Adjustment Following Divorce,” we learn that the degree to which children are experiencing active, open quarrelling, and chronic disagreements will have a great effect on the amount of stress they experience in their lives as a result of the divorce. When asked whether the children will be better or worse off after the divorce, Dr. Ellis proposes that the answer hinges on whether the level of conflict will diminish after the divorce — or whether it will continue, through post-divorce litigation and conflict.

Different ideas for approaching parenting conflicts arise out of the reported research literature. For example, parents whose children have stomachaches, or complain about visitation, may view the other parent as the source of the problem, and wonder if there is abuse or mishandled authority at the other parent's home. Dr. Ellis advises that a clinician be hired to conduct a wide-ranging analysis of all of the factors that could be causing the child stress, before resorting to a request to change a custody order.

Parental Alienation Syndrome

An entire chapter is devoted to Parental Alienation Syndrome. The trend among judges appears to be to give great weight to this condition. Custody cases can turn based on proven allegations that one parent intends to alienate the child from the other parent, or corrupt the relationship between the child and that other parent in any way. Children are now quite likely to be placed with the non-alienating parent. Understanding the psychology of parents who promote their children's alienation from the other parent can help the attorney advise clients on how to avoid the potentially disastrous consequences of such actions. To this end, the research reported by Dr. Ellis' book could prove invaluable.

High-Conflict Couples

This book is also edifying in its discussions of the personality traits of the highest conflict couples. As a mediator and collaborative lawyer, I personally see few of the highest conflict couples, but in the chapter titled, “Psychopathology of Parents Locked in Postdivorce Disputes Over Custody and Access Issues,” Dr. Ellis helped me to understand why even couples who have remarried may have difficulty leaving behind the conflicts from their first marriages. She gives some insight into personality traits, such as black-white thinking, excessive hostility, and narcissistic focus on “wrongs” and “wounds” suffered, which make it difficult for these people to understand how their disputes are affecting their children, and make it difficult for them to let go of these conflicts. Surprisingly, such people may be very high-functioning in other areas of their lives. Not only can insights like these help the psychologist, they can also help the family law practitioner who's trying to understand what is causing logjams in discussions and settlement negotiations.

Parental Abduction

There is also a section exploring the phenomenon of parental abduction which, surprisingly, happens much less frequently than one would think, based on media coverage of this most extreme result of high parental conflict. There are, according to the literature cited in Ellis' book, objective predictors of whether there is a high risk of abduction in a particular situation. Foreknowledge of these predictors could help the attorney advise the client on steps that they may wish to pursue to avoid their child's abduction. For the attorney whose client exhibits predictors for the propensity to abduct his or her own child, the attorney might take extra care to point out to the client the consequences to the long-term result, and how courts will view such actions.

The Therapist As a Person: Life Crises, Life Choices, Life Experiences, and Their Effects on Treatment

Edited by Barbara Gerson

Source: The Analytic Press

Though not a therapist myself, I have found “The Therapist As a Person: Life Crises, Life Choices, Life Experiences, and Their Effects on Treatment,” by Barbara Gerson, engrossing and extremely relevant to my own work. It has given me a different perspective, and insight into those times when I have been going through my own, personal family crisis – a grave illness of a family member, a divorce in my own family – and found it just a bit more difficult to focus on my clients' problems and my work.

When a client is telling you about the pain and of the conflict in his or her life, have you ever caught yourself identifying just a bit too intensely with his suffering? Have you ever awakened in the middle of the night only to lie there for an hour worrying about a particular family you're working with, and wondering what you can do to help them? The next question to ask yourself is, “Why am I identifying so strongly with this family?” Oftentimes, the reason you can't pull back and examine the situation dispassionately is that you are going through, or have gone through, your own similar personal crises. This book contains essays written by psychoanalysts looking squarely at this very issue – namely, how to work when ones own personal crises affect ones work, and when to share the circumstances with clients (and when to avoid sharing).

In addition, the book offers some interesting perspectives regarding life differences that are relevant to the family law practitioner. For example, if you have children, what buttons are pressed for you around conflicts between childless people? What issues are raised for you with when your client is gay, based on your own sexual orientation? These honest and thoughtful essays explore these issues from both sides of the couch (or in our case, the desk).

Intimate Partners: Patterns in Love and Marriage

By Maggie Scarf

Source: Ballantine Books

The work that we do can sometimes wear down even the most steely-nerved among us. We have a client with whom we particularly connect, and we wonder, “Why is this happening to him/her? What paths did she choose, what decisions did she make that led to these problems for herself and her family? “Intimate Partners: Patterns in Love and Marriage,” by Maggie Scarf, is a classic in the family therapy that field can help us find some of the answers to these questions, and it should be a “must-read” for all family law practitioners. Dr. Scarf, in a personal and readable format, analyzes the different phases of marriage, and points out the risks and the pitfalls of each.

Conclusion

Perhaps more than many other legal specialists, family law practitioners like to think about the stories they hear from their clients and are interested in finding the meaning behind those stories. Why do people do the things they do, during marriage and in the process of divorce? What motivates certain behaviors? Although, as attorneys, we aren't expected to be family therapists (and shouldn't attempt to act as family therapists), finding the answers to these questions can help increase our understanding of our clients and their families. Because these books are a good resource for gaining some insight into the client's world, reading them and putting their ideas into practice will, in the end, make us better legal advisers.