<b><i>At the Intersection</i></b>: 'Manterruption' Continued

But our concern should be with Intrusive Interruption intended to perpetuate power disparity. Since most men can sincerely deny malicious intent, what triggers this interruptive urge? Many researchers, especially experts in diversity, fasten firmly on the unconscious bias explanation, seeing interruption as a culturally learned response that provides the interrupter with some unexpressed but desirable advantage.

How About Some Behavior Mod?

Since we work mostly in the world of law and lawyers, frankly we like the response of one high-powered female litigator: “Let's cut out all the apologist BS about intentions and attitudes,” she says. “For both men and women, we need to focus on behavior change ' on what must be expected, accepted, or rejected in a professional workplace.”

Behavior mod focuses on creating powerful incentives for appropriate social behavior (and disincentives for bad acts). Asking people to simply be something ' more virtuous or less destructive ' is, in our view, a totally ineffectual tactic. Grown people do not willingly undertake personality transplants, and men will not become less aggressive and self-aggrandizing simply because some “touchy-feely bleeding heart type” asks them to.

Similarly, we see little benefit from bland injunctions like “men need to talk less and listen more” or that women at the table need to “lean in” more, while men should somehow magically become more comfortable “leaning back.” In our view, conversational parity is a matter of learned behaviors, that is, techniques that can either be learned and reinforced by incentives or extinguished by some form of pain.

In A list of practical things we can do to reduce gender bias at work, Elba Pareja-Gallagher cited a list of constructive actions ' targeted to men ' developed by Terry Howard and Claire Brown and posted in Catalyst's MARC (men advocating real change) site. Frankly, a few of these seem a bit naive and unrealistic: “Do not interrupt,” “Take turns talking,” and (our favorite) “Incorporate more nonverbal behaviors that facilitate interpersonal communication, support, and interest.” Oh yeah, that's easy.

But other items on the list seem like perfectly practical action tactics: “Invite women to meetings that usually are 'inner sanctum' only.” “Introduce women into your network.” “Send women to represent the company at a conference.” “Reach out to women to discuss their career goals, instead of waiting for them to come to you.”

Researcher Sheryl Sandberg (see last month's column at http://bit.ly/1hlwlci) has some eminently practical suggestions for slowing the cycle where men assert conversational dominance, women hold back, relinquish credit, let their ideas be poached or attributed to males ' and then eventually shut down, become more passive and less creative, feel less engaged, and experience anxiety because they fear that somehow they are at fault. Some of her ideas (listed below with a few added ingredients of our own) are as follows.

For Everyone

1. Get Honest: Admit that unconscious bias and communication role stereotyping exists in both men and women. We all need to own up to the problem.

2. Ban Bad Behavior: Create a “no a-hole” rule in your conversational circle or cohort that explicitly addresses interruption. The idea is that where an explicitly articulated rule is being broken, the group has the authority to call foul. The group sanction is against the behavior, not the communicator's intent.

3. Intervene actively: Stop interrupters in the moment. Tap the table. Hold up your hands in a “stop!” gesture. Nudge interrupters or put your hand on their arm. Better still, speak up: “Wait, please let her finish” or “Hold it, I really want to hear what Donna is saying.” Rehearse some good interrupt-the-interrupter phrases ' and have them locked and loaded.

4. Applaud: As soon as a woman makes an insightful comment, jump in: “Yes! Good idea, Sandra.” (Don't forgot to say her name; name recognition goes with respect.)

5. Support Virtue: Praise and support clients, companies, teams and groups that are led strongly by women. Highlight exemplars ' and let them know you are supporting them publicly.

For Women in Particular

1. Enlist a Male Buddy: Find a sympathetic male who realizes how you're being shut out and make a clandestine pact: ask him to backstop you in meetings ' nodding, agreeing, and calling out male interrupters as needed.

2. Defend Other Women: Women are shockingly unsupportive of other women publicly. Stand up for female colleagues; if they are going to label a woman as “difficult” or “aggressive,” make them label you that way, too.

3. Practice Power Postures: This does not mean acting like John Wayne. It means to study and practice gestures ' “leaning in,” standing to speak (and standing firmly on both legs when you do), gesturing with your palms down, steepling your hands, keeping your hands and arms within your body frame ' that convey confidence and authority. Develop a “hold that thought” hand gesture to stop interrupters before they gain momentum.

4. Eschew Conditional Statements: Dispense with, “Maybe I'm wrong, but '” or “Should we consider this?” Don't use questions to make statements; make statements. Minimize questions designed only to signal how consensus-oriented you are.

5. Find Your Voice: Don't try to talk like a man. Talk like a strong woman: No uptalk (interrogatory inflection). Use short sentences. Practice a clear drop in pitch at the end of a thought to signal you're done thinking/speaking (the Brits call this a “full stop). Give inspiring speeches to yourself in the car (including practicing being angry or offended). Join Toastmasters or take a public speaking course if your voice is soft or your manner demure.

Bonus Tip

Name the Frame: Politely but firmly call out manterrupters and bropropriators as soon as they trespass, emphasizing their behavior, but not impugning their intentions: “Gary, I'm being cut short here. Please let me complete my thought.” “Mel, I'm glad you like my idea. You've paraphrased my previous comments very succinctly.”

By the way: Yelling STFU!, no matter how gratifying, is probably not a successful behavior modification tactic.

Doug Richardson , a frequent contributor to this column, is president of The Richardson Group. He can be reached at [email protected].

Last month, we discussed the widespread tendency of men to interrupt women in settings where the power stakes were high (“manterruption”) and their tendency to appropriate women's comments and ideas as their own (“bropropriation”). We conclude with some additional thoughts.

What's This Really All About?

Interruption may have many causes or represent a combination of ingredients. Some experts consider a lot of interrupting to be a conversational habit, a byproduct of men historically talking more and women being regarded as having less to say. Or maybe in part it's a geographic or cultural artifact, not necessarily dismissive or unfriendly.

But our concern should be with Intrusive Interruption intended to perpetuate power disparity. Since most men can sincerely deny malicious intent, what triggers this interruptive urge? Many researchers, especially experts in diversity, fasten firmly on the unconscious bias explanation, seeing interruption as a culturally learned response that provides the interrupter with some unexpressed but desirable advantage.

How About Some Behavior Mod?

Since we work mostly in the world of law and lawyers, frankly we like the response of one high-powered female litigator: “Let's cut out all the apologist BS about intentions and attitudes,” she says. “For both men and women, we need to focus on behavior change ' on what must be expected, accepted, or rejected in a professional workplace.”

Behavior mod focuses on creating powerful incentives for appropriate social behavior (and disincentives for bad acts). Asking people to simply be something ' more virtuous or less destructive ' is, in our view, a totally ineffectual tactic. Grown people do not willingly undertake personality transplants, and men will not become less aggressive and self-aggrandizing simply because some “touchy-feely bleeding heart type” asks them to.

Similarly, we see little benefit from bland injunctions like “men need to talk less and listen more” or that women at the table need to “lean in” more, while men should somehow magically become more comfortable “leaning back.” In our view, conversational parity is a matter of learned behaviors, that is, techniques that can either be learned and reinforced by incentives or extinguished by some form of pain.

In A list of practical things we can do to reduce gender bias at work, Elba Pareja-Gallagher cited a list of constructive actions ' targeted to men ' developed by Terry Howard and Claire Brown and posted in Catalyst's MARC (men advocating real change) site. Frankly, a few of these seem a bit naive and unrealistic: “Do not interrupt,” “Take turns talking,” and (our favorite) “Incorporate more nonverbal behaviors that facilitate interpersonal communication, support, and interest.” Oh yeah, that's easy.

But other items on the list seem like perfectly practical action tactics: “Invite women to meetings that usually are 'inner sanctum' only.” “Introduce women into your network.” “Send women to represent the company at a conference.” “Reach out to women to discuss their career goals, instead of waiting for them to come to you.”

Researcher Sheryl Sandberg (see last month's column at http://bit.ly/1hlwlci) has some eminently practical suggestions for slowing the cycle where men assert conversational dominance, women hold back, relinquish credit, let their ideas be poached or attributed to males ' and then eventually shut down, become more passive and less creative, feel less engaged, and experience anxiety because they fear that somehow they are at fault. Some of her ideas (listed below with a few added ingredients of our own) are as follows.

For Everyone

1. Get Honest: Admit that unconscious bias and communication role stereotyping exists in both men and women. We all need to own up to the problem.

2. Ban Bad Behavior: Create a “no a-hole” rule in your conversational circle or cohort that explicitly addresses interruption. The idea is that where an explicitly articulated rule is being broken, the group has the authority to call foul. The group sanction is against the behavior, not the communicator's intent.

3. Intervene actively: Stop interrupters in the moment. Tap the table. Hold up your hands in a “stop!” gesture. Nudge interrupters or put your hand on their arm. Better still, speak up: “Wait, please let her finish” or “Hold it, I really want to hear what Donna is saying.” Rehearse some good interrupt-the-interrupter phrases ' and have them locked and loaded.

4. Applaud: As soon as a woman makes an insightful comment, jump in: “Yes! Good idea, Sandra.” (Don't forgot to say her name; name recognition goes with respect.)

5. Support Virtue: Praise and support clients, companies, teams and groups that are led strongly by women. Highlight exemplars ' and let them know you are supporting them publicly.

For Women in Particular

1. Enlist a Male Buddy: Find a sympathetic male who realizes how you're being shut out and make a clandestine pact: ask him to backstop you in meetings ' nodding, agreeing, and calling out male interrupters as needed.

2. Defend Other Women: Women are shockingly unsupportive of other women publicly. Stand up for female colleagues; if they are going to label a woman as “difficult” or “aggressive,” make them label you that way, too.

3. Practice Power Postures: This does not mean acting like John Wayne. It means to study and practice gestures ' “leaning in,” standing to speak (and standing firmly on both legs when you do), gesturing with your palms down, steepling your hands, keeping your hands and arms within your body frame ' that convey confidence and authority. Develop a “hold that thought” hand gesture to stop interrupters before they gain momentum.

4. Eschew Conditional Statements: Dispense with, “Maybe I'm wrong, but '” or “Should we consider this?” Don't use questions to make statements; make statements. Minimize questions designed only to signal how consensus-oriented you are.

5. Find Your Voice: Don't try to talk like a man. Talk like a strong woman: No uptalk (interrogatory inflection). Use short sentences. Practice a clear drop in pitch at the end of a thought to signal you're done thinking/speaking (the Brits call this a “full stop). Give inspiring speeches to yourself in the car (including practicing being angry or offended). Join Toastmasters or take a public speaking course if your voice is soft or your manner demure.

Bonus Tip

Name the Frame: Politely but firmly call out manterrupters and bropropriators as soon as they trespass, emphasizing their behavior, but not impugning their intentions: “Gary, I'm being cut short here. Please let me complete my thought.” “Mel, I'm glad you like my idea. You've paraphrased my previous comments very succinctly.”

By the way: Yelling STFU!, no matter how gratifying, is probably not a successful behavior modification tactic.

Doug Richardson , a frequent contributor to this column, is president of The Richardson Group. He can be reached at [email protected].