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Ask the Coach

By Mike O'Horo
September 01, 2003

Q: What do you do when, despite having a good relationship with a client, you struggle to reach agreement on such things as rate increases, staffing, etc.

A: First, make sure that you're working on the right problem. “If only the client understood me better, I'm sure we'd have a deal.” This frequently-heard lament reflects the odd notion that more explanation or talking would solve everything. Not so.

Whenever a conflict arises with a prospect or client, stop talking and evaluate the nature of the dispute. Determine whether you have a true disagreement or simply a misunderstanding. Don't rely on the Great Myth of Hidden Harmony, which is that there isn't any conflict, only poor understanding, so we all just need to understand each other better. A true disagreement is a failure to agree that would persist despite the most accurate understanding. If you try to keep explaining through a true disagreement, that's a recipe for a turnoff. Misunderstanding or disagreement? Use these key questions to help tell the difference:

  • If I succeeded in explaining myself, would the other person's position change?
  • Would they feel satisfied if only I listened but didn't change my mind?
  • Would I be satisfied if the other person listened but didn't change his mind?

Q: In the interest of cross-selling, I often have a colleague or two accompany me on initial sales calls. How do you manage or choreograph interaction among three to four people?

A: I call this the “Sand Castle” problem, because you're trying to proceed without a sufficient foundation. You can't extend a relationship to your colleagues that you've not yet established. Sounds obvious, yet many of us try to do just that in the early stages of a sale.

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