Op Ed: 'Miranda' Rights

Back in the Eighties, when it was 'fashion forward' to promote women to partnership, it seemed to me that those women who made it acted like an MP but looked like an MH. I can remember these women wearing the 'law firm uniform,' which consisted of the pantsuit, white shirt (closed collar in those days) and the ugly 'sensible' shoe. Some were even persuaded by a dowdy sales person at Brooks Brothers to purchase those horrible blue ties to adorn those horrific Peter Pan-style shirts. The thought was that by wearing serious clothes, the women in law firms would be taken seriously. After all, they had gone to Harvard, Yale and Columbia, as had their male counterparts, so it was only fitting that they 'looked' the part. The persona was one of toughness and dedication. These women wanted to play in the same sandbox as the men handling the big litigations and the big corporate deals. They fought their way up and for the most part won the battle, but in so doing alienated a cadre of people. It is a known fact that back then and to some extent even now, women in law firms at the partnership level are 'difficult to work with' and are responsible for the revolving door syndrome of eating up and spitting out a variety of law firm employees from associates to paralegals to secretaries. It just doesn't have to be that way.

What's Wrong with Being Female?

Women in law firms need to think about the fact that they are first and foremost women. Women are supposed to be nurturing, caring, sympathetic and loving. Women are known to be great educators, healers and technicians. I have always said that domestic engineers, a.k.a housewives, could run a Fortune 500 corporation because they bring to bear all of the attributes necessary to be successful in the corporate suite. This, however, does not describe many women in law firms. I've done some informal surveys and what I know is that for those who work in close contact with women partners in law firms, most of what I am hearing is that these women are best described as MPs. As these women approach the elevator to begin their work day, employees who must endure daily close encounters with them 'gird their loins' much the same as the Stanley Tucci character, Nigel, in The Devil Wears Prada warned employees of Miranda Priestly's impending arrival. Here's what I think. Once a week these women should bring a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolate truffles to the office and every time someone comes into their office, they should be given a flower and offered a truffle. Women in law should practice being kind, courteous and caring. It doesn't hurt your image to act like a woman. The MP approach isn't pretty. Frankly, all Miranda Priestly had was great clothes and what she perceived as a great life. Remember when she uttered those words: 'Everyone wants to be us' ' not!

Miranda Hobbs was a single mother at least for one full season of Sex and the City. She fought valiantly to balance her work life as a partner in a law firm with being a mother. One episode in particular must have struck a chord with many women in law when a senior partner noted that Miranda had not been billing enough hours. Although she wrestled with the idea of billing more hours and giving less time to her son, in the end, she opted to create an environment for herself that she could live with and be proud to call herself 'mother.' I view motherhood as the single most important role any woman can ever achieve. Children do not ask to be born and women in law, like every other woman, need to find the balance of being good role models for their children and for those with whom they work. Just recently I arranged a weekend call with a woman whom I chose to speak on a program I am moderating. It was going to be a less-than-three-minute call and I was enthralled when I heard that she was just about to take her three children to different weekend activities. She has her priorities straight and I so admire that. Several of my close friends come to mind when I think of women who 'got it right.' One of them gave up a lucrative partnership in a top law firm to go to a smaller firm in order to spend more time with her then- three small boys. I have always applauded her for making that decision. Her twin sons are now at Stanford and her other son will probably follow his brothers. She and her husband made the decision to be there for their children and it is evident they made the right call. I have another close friend who also gave up working in an office environment in favor of working from home. Her boys have blossomed knowing that their mom is close by. Still another of my friends gave up a top law firm partnership to go solo so that she could spend more time with her two sons. Now I'm not saying that every woman can do this, but I do think that when it comes to children, nothing matters more.

Conclusion

I've had a wonderful time advising women (and men too) about how to shape their careers. Most of the women I work with are smart, energetic and enthusiastic. They come to the legal profession with great capabilities, but for some reason, by the time they become partners in law firms, their vim and vigor has all but disappeared. They are drained, miserable, need to have their hair 'touched up' far too often, and are starting to show the signs of career fatigue. What I tell them is this and in no particular order: Short term ' trash the whole work wardrobe, go have a facial, get a professional cosmetic consultation and go to a fabulous restaurant with the person they would most like to have as a dinner partner ' spouse, friend, family member or even their kids. (You can learn a lot from a ten-year-old.) Long term ' take a long look at the career. Yes, it was hard making it to partnership, but is it exactly what I thought it would be and more importantly is it right for me? Is it everything I hoped it would be. If the answer is no, it's time to re-evaluate. It's time to take off the MP or MH mask you've been wearing and become the real you.

Elizabeth Anne 'Betiayn' Tursi is Editor- in-Chief of this newsletter. Ms. Tursi is the principal of Tursi Law Marketing Management and is Co-Chair of the Women in Law Empowerment Forum, an organization designed to educate women in law firms on how to achieve their career goals. In addition to having served as the marketing liaison to the ABA Commission on Women in the Profession and as a member of the executive committee of the ABA Women Rainmakers, Ms. Tursi was awarded the 'Golden Hammer' award by the ABA Law Practice Management Section. The award recognizes women who have helped other women attain their career goals. She can be reached at [email protected].

I have made it my professional life's work to help women in law firms attain success. And what I have come to realize is that most women who become lawyers and choose to practice within the confines of a law firm fall into two categories. The first is the 'Miranda Hobbs' woman, referring to one of the four Sex and the City characters who has a constant battle with being a partner at a law firm while not allowing herself to take leave of her personal relationships with friends and family (hereinafter referred to as the 'MHs'). The other category is the 'Miranda Priestly' woman who, as most of you know, is the lead character in The Devil Wears Prada (hereinafter referred to as the 'MPs'). Miranda Priestly can best be defined as a woman in charge who doesn't much care about the world outside her office as Editor-in-Chief of the fictitious magazine 'Runway,' and who prides herself on putting the fear of God in anyone with whom she comes in contact. For anyone who has seen the movie version of the best-selling book, could we ever forget Meryl Streep's dismissive tone uttering the words, 'That's all' as her way of telling those in her presence to take their leave?

What I think is that for the most part, women in law have feared being themselves because if they showed their 'feminine side,' they would be perceived as not good enough or smart enough to succeed. I am here to say that's just rubbish.

Let's Take a Step Back

Back in the Eighties, when it was 'fashion forward' to promote women to partnership, it seemed to me that those women who made it acted like an MP but looked like an MH. I can remember these women wearing the 'law firm uniform,' which consisted of the pantsuit, white shirt (closed collar in those days) and the ugly 'sensible' shoe. Some were even persuaded by a dowdy sales person at Brooks Brothers to purchase those horrible blue ties to adorn those horrific Peter Pan-style shirts. The thought was that by wearing serious clothes, the women in law firms would be taken seriously. After all, they had gone to Harvard, Yale and Columbia, as had their male counterparts, so it was only fitting that they 'looked' the part. The persona was one of toughness and dedication. These women wanted to play in the same sandbox as the men handling the big litigations and the big corporate deals. They fought their way up and for the most part won the battle, but in so doing alienated a cadre of people. It is a known fact that back then and to some extent even now, women in law firms at the partnership level are 'difficult to work with' and are responsible for the revolving door syndrome of eating up and spitting out a variety of law firm employees from associates to paralegals to secretaries. It just doesn't have to be that way.

What's Wrong with Being Female?

Women in law firms need to think about the fact that they are first and foremost women. Women are supposed to be nurturing, caring, sympathetic and loving. Women are known to be great educators, healers and technicians. I have always said that domestic engineers, a.k.a housewives, could run a Fortune 500 corporation because they bring to bear all of the attributes necessary to be successful in the corporate suite. This, however, does not describe many women in law firms. I've done some informal surveys and what I know is that for those who work in close contact with women partners in law firms, most of what I am hearing is that these women are best described as MPs. As these women approach the elevator to begin their work day, employees who must endure daily close encounters with them 'gird their loins' much the same as the Stanley Tucci character, Nigel, in The Devil Wears Prada warned employees of Miranda Priestly's impending arrival. Here's what I think. Once a week these women should bring a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolate truffles to the office and every time someone comes into their office, they should be given a flower and offered a truffle. Women in law should practice being kind, courteous and caring. It doesn't hurt your image to act like a woman. The MP approach isn't pretty. Frankly, all Miranda Priestly had was great clothes and what she perceived as a great life. Remember when she uttered those words: 'Everyone wants to be us' ' not!

Miranda Hobbs was a single mother at least for one full season of Sex and the City. She fought valiantly to balance her work life as a partner in a law firm with being a mother. One episode in particular must have struck a chord with many women in law when a senior partner noted that Miranda had not been billing enough hours. Although she wrestled with the idea of billing more hours and giving less time to her son, in the end, she opted to create an environment for herself that she could live with and be proud to call herself 'mother.' I view motherhood as the single most important role any woman can ever achieve. Children do not ask to be born and women in law, like every other woman, need to find the balance of being good role models for their children and for those with whom they work. Just recently I arranged a weekend call with a woman whom I chose to speak on a program I am moderating. It was going to be a less-than-three-minute call and I was enthralled when I heard that she was just about to take her three children to different weekend activities. She has her priorities straight and I so admire that. Several of my close friends come to mind when I think of women who 'got it right.' One of them gave up a lucrative partnership in a top law firm to go to a smaller firm in order to spend more time with her then- three small boys. I have always applauded her for making that decision. Her twin sons are now at Stanford and her other son will probably follow his brothers. She and her husband made the decision to be there for their children and it is evident they made the right call. I have another close friend who also gave up working in an office environment in favor of working from home. Her boys have blossomed knowing that their mom is close by. Still another of my friends gave up a top law firm partnership to go solo so that she could spend more time with her two sons. Now I'm not saying that every woman can do this, but I do think that when it comes to children, nothing matters more.

Conclusion

I've had a wonderful time advising women (and men too) about how to shape their careers. Most of the women I work with are smart, energetic and enthusiastic. They come to the legal profession with great capabilities, but for some reason, by the time they become partners in law firms, their vim and vigor has all but disappeared. They are drained, miserable, need to have their hair 'touched up' far too often, and are starting to show the signs of career fatigue. What I tell them is this and in no particular order: Short term ' trash the whole work wardrobe, go have a facial, get a professional cosmetic consultation and go to a fabulous restaurant with the person they would most like to have as a dinner partner ' spouse, friend, family member or even their kids. (You can learn a lot from a ten-year-old.) Long term ' take a long look at the career. Yes, it was hard making it to partnership, but is it exactly what I thought it would be and more importantly is it right for me? Is it everything I hoped it would be. If the answer is no, it's time to re-evaluate. It's time to take off the MP or MH mask you've been wearing and become the real you.

Elizabeth Anne 'Betiayn' Tursi is Editor- in-Chief of this newsletter. Ms. Tursi is the principal of Tursi Law Marketing Management and is Co-Chair of the Women in Law Empowerment Forum, an organization designed to educate women in law firms on how to achieve their career goals. In addition to having served as the marketing liaison to the ABA Commission on Women in the Profession and as a member of the executive committee of the ABA Women Rainmakers, Ms. Tursi was awarded the 'Golden Hammer' award by the ABA Law Practice Management Section. The award recognizes women who have helped other women attain their career goals. She can be reached at [email protected].