Harness the Power of Active Listening

Listening is a learned behavior. Notice that I did not say an autonomic habit. We must learn how to move beyond merely hearing the words people utter to embracing and processing more completely the full message a speaker is attempting to communicate, verbally and nonverbally.

Active Listening

Active listening is a method of listening and responding to another person, which improves mutual understanding. It is an essential aspect of effective communication between one or more people, and involves a very human process. Moreover, active listening is a method by which to elicit information and emotions from a speaker, thereby gaining intimacy with him/her. As an active listener, you are a full active participant in the communications process, which is vital if you want to be productive in all pursuits.

Clearly, to be an effective communicator (and communicate is what we do often as service providers), we need to develop and nurture as sophisticated listening skills as possible. Understanding the components of active listening will advance that effort.

Four components of active listening are: 1) Clarifying: Asking for more information and requesting the speaker to elaborate upon a statement he made; 2) Paraphrasing: Repeating another's message in your own words to confirm that the “message sent is the message received”; 3) Reflecting: Restating or clarifying the underlying feelings that are attached to the speaker's communication, e.g., asking someone to clarify her anger over what you are speaking about. This encourages her to become more aware of the feelings she is expressing, either verbally or nonverbally; 4) Summarizing: Reviewing and re-capping major points of a discussion/presentation.

Taking deliberate steps to incorporate the actions above into your daily communications with clients and colleagues will further your understanding and engagement in the communication process, and lead to greater awareness and collaboration.

Impediments to Active Listening

Among numerous impediments to effective listening, I have listed five of the most common. If you see yourself in any of these, consider how they might block your ability to effectively and clearly to communicate with clients and other key influencers: 1) Too much effort required; 2) Enormous competition for attention; 3) “Know it all” attitude;' 4) The speed gap; and 5) Don't know how.

Becoming an Effective Listener

1) Concentrate. Focus your attention on the speaker only by blocking out distractions such as noise, lights, things going on around you, room temperature, etc. Empty yourself of “mind clutter.” 2) Avoid Distractions. Avoid becoming distracted by some physical characteristic of the person who is speaking to you; e.g., his tie, presentation style, mannerisms, accent, or grooming. 3) Examine Your Motives. Are you open to new ideas/information? It can be instructive to weigh what is being discussed against any personal value and belief system. Check any judgments at the door. 4) Acknowledge. Active listeners show interest and attention both verbally and non-verbally. 5) Research and Respond. Gather and observe information about the speaker. Ask questions and give feedback. This two-way flow creates a “meeting of the minds” between a speaker and listener, and allows the speaker to expand upon her topic. 6) Exercise Emotional Control. Address highly charged messages in a thoughtful manner. Wait until the entire message is received before reacting. 7) Sense Nonverbal Messages. Be aware of what a speaker is saying/not saying with his body language and gestures. Body language comprises 50% of communication so you want to pay attention. 8) Structure and Organize Information As It Is Received. It can be a productive use of the time gap between speaking and hearing speeds. 9) Index What a Speaker Says, Mentally or on Paper. This dramatically increases comprehension and recall. Listen for “for example,” or “let me elaborate on that,” and you will know that a rationale or a sub point is likely to follow. 10) Listen for Sequencing. This technique is important when order is crucial (listen for “first, second, third,” and so on).' Sometimes the sequence of information is essential.

Boost Your Practice

Business development is a process of actively, intentionally and strategically building relationships that lead to new work. If you listen to be heard as a part of building business relationships, you will be heard, and business development efforts will be more successful more often.

Kimberly Alford Rice, Editor-in-Chief of this newsletter, is the principal of KLA Marketing Associates, Cherry Hill, NJ. She can be reached at [email protected].

Fact: An untrained listener is likely to retain about 50% of a conversation shortly after it is finished. The retention rate drops to 25% a mere 48 hours later. An untrained listener's recall of a conversation more than a couple of days ago will almost always be incomplete and usually inaccurate. It is no wonder, then, that miscommunications and disagreements ensue so frequently.

So how do we manage to deliver extraordinary client service and superior work product if we remember so little?

How to Listen

Listening is a learned behavior. Notice that I did not say an autonomic habit. We must learn how to move beyond merely hearing the words people utter to embracing and processing more completely the full message a speaker is attempting to communicate, verbally and nonverbally.

Active Listening

Active listening is a method of listening and responding to another person, which improves mutual understanding. It is an essential aspect of effective communication between one or more people, and involves a very human process. Moreover, active listening is a method by which to elicit information and emotions from a speaker, thereby gaining intimacy with him/her. As an active listener, you are a full active participant in the communications process, which is vital if you want to be productive in all pursuits.

Clearly, to be an effective communicator (and communicate is what we do often as service providers), we need to develop and nurture as sophisticated listening skills as possible. Understanding the components of active listening will advance that effort.

Four components of active listening are: 1) Clarifying: Asking for more information and requesting the speaker to elaborate upon a statement he made; 2) Paraphrasing: Repeating another's message in your own words to confirm that the “message sent is the message received”; 3) Reflecting: Restating or clarifying the underlying feelings that are attached to the speaker's communication, e.g., asking someone to clarify her anger over what you are speaking about. This encourages her to become more aware of the feelings she is expressing, either verbally or nonverbally; 4) Summarizing: Reviewing and re-capping major points of a discussion/presentation.

Taking deliberate steps to incorporate the actions above into your daily communications with clients and colleagues will further your understanding and engagement in the communication process, and lead to greater awareness and collaboration.

Impediments to Active Listening

Among numerous impediments to effective listening, I have listed five of the most common. If you see yourself in any of these, consider how they might block your ability to effectively and clearly to communicate with clients and other key influencers: 1) Too much effort required; 2) Enormous competition for attention; 3) “Know it all” attitude;' 4) The speed gap; and 5) Don't know how.

Becoming an Effective Listener

1) Concentrate. Focus your attention on the speaker only by blocking out distractions such as noise, lights, things going on around you, room temperature, etc. Empty yourself of “mind clutter.” 2) Avoid Distractions. Avoid becoming distracted by some physical characteristic of the person who is speaking to you; e.g., his tie, presentation style, mannerisms, accent, or grooming. 3) Examine Your Motives. Are you open to new ideas/information? It can be instructive to weigh what is being discussed against any personal value and belief system. Check any judgments at the door. 4) Acknowledge. Active listeners show interest and attention both verbally and non-verbally. 5) Research and Respond. Gather and observe information about the speaker. Ask questions and give feedback. This two-way flow creates a “meeting of the minds” between a speaker and listener, and allows the speaker to expand upon her topic. 6) Exercise Emotional Control. Address highly charged messages in a thoughtful manner. Wait until the entire message is received before reacting. 7) Sense Nonverbal Messages. Be aware of what a speaker is saying/not saying with his body language and gestures. Body language comprises 50% of communication so you want to pay attention. 8) Structure and Organize Information As It Is Received. It can be a productive use of the time gap between speaking and hearing speeds. 9) Index What a Speaker Says, Mentally or on Paper. This dramatically increases comprehension and recall. Listen for “for example,” or “let me elaborate on that,” and you will know that a rationale or a sub point is likely to follow. 10) Listen for Sequencing. This technique is important when order is crucial (listen for “first, second, third,” and so on).' Sometimes the sequence of information is essential.

Boost Your Practice

Business development is a process of actively, intentionally and strategically building relationships that lead to new work. If you listen to be heard as a part of building business relationships, you will be heard, and business development efforts will be more successful more often.

Kimberly Alford Rice, Editor-in-Chief of this newsletter, is the principal of KLA Marketing Associates, Cherry Hill, NJ. She can be reached at [email protected].