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Reframing 101: How to Use 'Yes' and 'No' for Negotiation Breakthroughs

By Essie Martsinkovsky
May 01, 2022

What you see is what you get. When you're negotiating, being able to reframe — to change your perspective and approach an issue through a new lens — is critical to getting your needs and wants met. A good reframe defuses tension, uncovers hidden possibilities, and creates new value. Like magic, a good reframe can even make a conflict disappear. Also like magic, a good reframe appears simple but is very hard to do well. By the end of this article, you will have some insight into why reframing is so hard and have the tools to be better at it.

Let's start by taking a detour into a story. What you'll read is a slightly goofy, re-worked version of a commonly used negotiation parable. Don't google the answer! Ready?

In the story, let's say your name is Monica. You're in your early 40s, a teacher, a hard worker, and a loving mom, wife and sister. You're not perfect, but you always try to be better. When you mess up, you try to make things right. At the moment you're preoccupied with fixing your relationship with your sister. She has barely talked to you for three years since you bowed out of a big vacation the two of you had been planning. You'd had your reasons, but you've come to realize that you acted like a huge flake.

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